Welcome to Week 3, Day 2 of the Thriver Series

For week three of our series, we’re going to focus on Agency — Spiritual, Emotional and Relational agency. If you have missed any of the Thriver Workshops or would like to download the Thriver Series Workbooks, see the links at the bottom of the workshop.

See the link below for Thriver Series Overview.

Emotional Agency

Let’s quickly recap our definition of agency and then we’ll jump right into today’s workshop. In a blog by Pattison Professional Counseling and Mediation Center, agency is defined as: “The sense of control that you feel in your life, your capacity to influence your own thoughts and behavior, and have faith in your ability to handle a wide range of tasks and situations. Your sense of agency helps you to be psychologically stable, yet flexible in the face of conflict or change.” For our discussions, agency rests on the principles of faith, control and influence. The key to agency then, is a sense of control, a desire to influence and trust in faith.

Let me start by saying that emotional agency is as personal as our individual emotions are. For our discussion, we’re gong to look at emotional agency from the standpoint of faith, influence and control.

Emotions tell us what we believe, and how we were/are emotionally nurtured or influenced to believe. How we believe, what we believe and why believe influences our emotional agency. Think about it this way, emotions tell us what we believe, what we believe tells us how to feel, what we feel tells us what to think, and what we think tells us how to act.

Emotions are so powerful that they can, and often do, override the truth. Notice I said “the truth” as opposed to our truth. Our truth can consist of different types of truth — specifically, healthy and unhealthy truth, beneficial and unbeneficial truth, biblical truth and unbiblical truth. Truth is not ours if it does not serve us or if it contradicts the truth that empowers, protects and benefits us. So, while it may be our truth that doesn’t mean that it’s truth we should use or the truth that serves our emotional agency. 

Because emotions are a byproduct of belies, emotions can, and almost always do, inform our narrative, our outlook, our attitude and our behavior. I’m not saying that emotions aren’t human, necessary or important. Hurt hurts, pain is painful and to grieve is human. Whether grief or hurt, it is human to emote. Jesus grieved in the garden, he grieved when Lazarus died and we will grieve too. Likewise, if we believe a $50,000 raise is a good thing, it is human to emote that belief — our truth. Our belief that a $50,000 raise is good would inform our feelings of joy, trigger thoughts about what we can payoff or afford to do with the increase in income, and inspire behavior that agrees with our emotions — like going on a shopping spree or opening a savings account. Emotions set off a chain reaction that we hardly have to stop and think about or even put effort into. It’s natural to go from emotion to behavior without skipping a beat.

Now, imagine if our emotion was based on an untruth. Imagine if someone who didn’t deserve you left but you believed that your life was over because they left your life. Or imagine that you lost it all — material possessions, suffered a major defeat or were wronged in a terrible way, and your belief was God doesn’t care about you, or you won’t ever recover.

If that was your belief, what feelings, thoughts and behavior do you think would automatically be triggered?

How do you think those feelings and thoughts, while perfectly normal in the moment or as an initial reaction, would affect or impact your spiritual agency if they weren’t corrected?

How difficult do you think it would be to correct untrue beliefs if your spiritual agency was suffering, underdeveloped or uncared for?

We’re confronted with this reality all throughout our lives. Emotions can, sometimes, cause what we see to cancel what it is true. Why? Well, for most of us, it’s usually when the event exposes us to pain that we’ve never experienced before, a deep-rooted or dormant belief that we’ve not scraped or bumped into before, or a wound that we’ve not healed or resolved. This is not scientific, just an observation. 

When you’ve had an experience that triggered beliefs that were not true, that contradicted your faith, what was the cause? Why do you think the truth — your faith, got pushed aside for the untrue belief? How did it affect your narrative, your outlook, your hope, your behavior? What I’m getting at is, emotional agency doesn’t mean we don’t hurt or feel pain, emotional agency means we cognitively and intentionally relentless pursue the truth when our truth threatens our emotional agency with a lie, a false belief or a belief that is contrary to our faith and wisdom. Why?

Because if we don’t cognitively pursue the truth when we’re threatened by untruth, our spiritual agency will be sabotaged. Have you ever tried to hope in faith while at the same time emotionally believing in an untruth? Have you tried to trust God while at the same time emotionally believing in an untruth? If you have, then you know how difficult it is to maintain a positive outlook, trust in God or hope in faith with a negative belief. 

We know that emotions can have complex layers and histories. We know, from our own experiences, that the most difficult untruths to deal with have some truth in them — from our history, nurturing or experiences. We can be predisposed to certain beliefs, certain untruths or certain emotional warfare because of what we’ve been through. And, we know that we don’t just change overnight.

When we think about emotional agency in terms of control, desire to influence and trust in faith, we have a goal to work towards and the ability to reinforce our thriver mindset. Let’s look at these three — control, desire to influence and trust in faith from an emotional agency perspective.

When we think of control, there’s a tendency to believe that we’re talking about “just get over it,” or achieving some super human emotional state that automatically cancels any emotion that is either unwanted or unwelcomed. That’s not true or even possible. Rarely do we think emotions, we almost always react to emotions and therefore we think. The bible says, “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7). In other words, whatever our truth is, it’s in our heart and when life happens, we find out what that truth is or how influential that truth is. Remember, we’re not talking about a normal or otherwise human reaction to life or pain. We’re not saying that emotional agency means you won’t have breakdowns. We’re saying emotional agency won’t let you unpack and stay there. That is critical. Emotional agency controls the effect not the cause.

Do your remember the story in the bible about Peter denying Jesus? This is perhaps one of the best biblical examples of just how automatic and harmful an untruth cab be. As well, how an untruth believed can sabotage our emotional and spiritual agency. The bible tells that Peter and another disciple accompanied Jesus to the Chief Priests courtyard where Jesus would be interrogated. But what follows is but an example of how emotions can override our spiritual and emotional agency and the consequences.

After Peter entered the Chief Priests courtyard, instead of standing with Jesus, Peter hung behind. As fear would have it, the Chief Priests doorkeeper recognized Peter and asked, “Aren’t you one of this man’s (Jesus) disciples?” To which Peter replied, “No, I am not.” After this, Peter proceeded to double down on his fear and act as if He didn’t know Jesus and instead of standing with Jesus during the interrogation, Peter stood by the fire where the Chief Priest’s servants were keeping warm. Now, can you imagine Peter’s emotional agency? Can you imagine the influence of the untruth Peter had to be believing to make him fear standing next to Jesus and instead, stand next to the very people who hated Jesus — and tell those people that he didn’t know Jesus?

Do you see how automatic and almost unconscious the chain reaction is — belief informs emotions, emotions inform feelings, feelings inform thoughts and thoughts inform behavior/actions? You would think that Peter would have come to his senses or corrected his untrue belief that caused his fear but he didn’t. Peter remained with the group that hated Jesus and sure enough, he was asked twice more if he was one of Jesus’ disciple and each time Peter denied it and said, “I am not” (John 18:15-27). Wow, how many times has emotions made you deny your faith, turned you against your truth or caused you to react or act in such a way as to deny the power of Jesus? Mine has and if you’re human, yours has too.

Remember, control is not what we have naturally, control is what we have through the fruit of the spirit: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law” (Galatians 5:22-23). How do we activate or cultivate the fruit of self-control for our emotional agency? The fruit of self-control is developed as a part of our spiritual agency — and when it is, our spiritual agency becomes a benefactor. In other words, our emotional agency benefits from our spiritual agency.

As we discussed in the spiritual agency workshop, the fruit of self-control can be cultivated in three ways: Stirring up or fanning our gifts, practice using our prophetic voice — as a lifestyle, and abiding in the truth. Control is cultivated by behavior that trains ourselves how to use it. The best way to train ourselves is by exercise or activity that demands it. Stirring up or fanning our gifts, using our prophetic voice as a lifestyle, and abiding in the truth requires self-control — or will train/cultivate the fruit of self-control.

Why do we need self-control for our emotional agency? Without self-control, we cannot influence untrue thoughts and beliefs, change our narrative or even hope in faith. The fruit of self-control empowers us to reconnect with our truth. When connected to our truth, we have agency to: “Cast down imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself above the knowledge of God, and bring into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5). Self-control enables us to influence our beliefs or reconcile our untrue beliefs with the truth. We talked previously about the meaning of: “…Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning” (Psalm 30:5). What’s important to remember is that nighttime represents the darkness or that period of time that we cannot see the truth. Morning or sunlight represents the moment we can see clearly or when the truth becomes clear and believed. Emotional agency influences when the morning comes — which is when our weeping turns to joy.

Is this easy? No. Is it necessary? Absolutely. When life happens, two things happen: either we grow from it or we surrender to it. That’s not a covert way of saying, “Get over it,” that’s the overt way of saying you are not built to crumble or be emotionally controlled by untruth. Your life isn’t over, their role in your life is over. What the enemy meant for evil God will turn it for your good. You haven’t lost unless you’ve lost God — “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:6). Like spiritual agency, emotional agency is not our condition, it’s our position. When we abide in the truth, the bible tells us: “But those who wait on [trust in] the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint” (Isaiah 40:31).

Through self-control we gain agency to trust the truth. Our position of truth influences our beliefs and enables us to conquer untruth. By conquering untruth, we have the ability to change our narrative and reclaim our inheritance. And then there’s the third component of emotional agency: trust in faith. Our trust in faith is what sustains our emotional agency. Without trust in faith, any uprooting we do, any lies we overturn will be short-lived. The enemy doesn’t give up that easy. The bible tells us: “When an unclean spirit comes out of a man, it passes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, ‘I will return to the house I left” (Luke 11:24). The battle isn’t over simply because we’ve won the first round. Trust in faith, reestablishing our trust in the truth, helps us to resist the enemy: “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you” (James 4:7).

Submitting our beliefs to God’s truth is what it means to trust in faith, which gives us power to resist the attacks of enemy. Without trust in the truth, we don’t have the power to reject untruth. Remember what Jesus said: Abide [remain] in Me, and I will remain in you. Just as no branch can bear fruit by itself unless it remains in the vine, neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in Me. I am the vine and you are the branches. The one who remains in Me, and I in him, will bear much fruit. For apart from Me you can do nothing” (John 15:4-5). Abiding or remaining is not easy, it’s conscious and intentional work.

Just like we have to access more faith, sometimes we have to abide deeper to conquer untruth which threatens our emotional agency.

Three Keys to Emotional Agency

I am. It’s one thing to believe, it’s another to embrace, embody and live our beliefs. One way to reinforce emotional agency is by creating your I am statement(s) that not only reflect who God says you are but how you show up each day in your life. Practicing showing up each day to embody your I am statement(s) is a powerful challenge both spiritually and emotionally. When the spirit of doubt, fear, insecurity or whatever challenges your faith shows up, your I am statement lived empowers emotional agency to resist the temptation to be redefined or subdued by the enemy. Start with three powerful I am statements that you will not only write down and speak but that you will also commit to showing up each day and practicing those things that reinforce your I am statements.

Wise counsel. As we discussed in today’s workshop, emotional agency gives us the ability to influence thoughts by controlling beliefs that threaten our spiritual agency. Not enough can be said about the importance of creating a circle trusted advisors — online or in person, that give you wise counsel you trust and use. We all will reach a point or encounter a situation that challenges our spiritual and emotional agency, and with wise counsel the thriver is able to get out of their head long enough to gain insight, understanding and direction to reconcile sabotaging beliefs with the truth. Wise counsel does not have to be someone you know personally, wise counsel can also come from virtual relationships, virtual groups, books and resources that you trust for guidance and the truth.

Self-assess. The greatest source of knowledge about us, what we think or believe is ourselves. The bible tells us: “Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you—unless, of course, you fail the test?” (2 Corinthians 13:5). Whether our untrue belief is about God, life, relationships or a trial, we know what our own truth is — To thine own self be true. Emotions are complex, emotional influences are complex, debilitating beliefs are complex, and there is not a better assessor of what we’re feeling, doing or saying than we are. Self-assessment requires we be brutally honest with ourselves and not resist or fear not being OK. It requires that we subscribe to and submit to a standard for our lives that agrees with our inheritance, our potential and what God said about us. No one is perfect but without actively assessing our truth, our thoughts and behavior — objectively, growth or maintaining emotional agency is nearly impossible — and so is the likelihood of seeking help when necessary. The bible tells us, “We perish for a lack of knowledge,” and that scripture is never more true than when we are unaware of or unknowledgeable about ourselves, our truth. Emotional agency requires us to not only be true to ourselves but also to tell the truth to ourselves — especially when the truth will set us free and set us up to seek the help that we need for strength, understanding and growth.

I’m prayerful that you have been blessed by this workshop. Now let’s talk about Relational Agency in our last and final workshop of week three.

 

Blessings,

Patrick

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